Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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