Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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