We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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