ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
soo... how was my night?
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