I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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