I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
