You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she looked like the before picture.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
