i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
