just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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