just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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