i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
