maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
