Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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