I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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