I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
