The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Never underestimate the power of titties
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
