Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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