belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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