"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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