in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize