Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
