Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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