You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
