you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
