VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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