you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Text me some of your sweat
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