Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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