my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
