just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My penis needs a shock collar
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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