i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Mom said you looked used
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize