WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
