at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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