$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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