her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
