Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You ruined the universe
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