I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize