My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize