Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
