I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
