Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
