drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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