so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Randomize
