Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
