Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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