When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
