I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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