If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
