STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
