when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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