What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I need to calm my uterus...
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
