two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
