i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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