I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
