i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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