Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
