well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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