dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
