she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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