Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
