i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
