I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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