She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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