i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
