I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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