Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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