take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
organizing the empties. That sober.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize